Ancient Domains Of Mystery, forum overview / General / I have had some epithanies
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Ryan Klein Registered user Because I said so is why! Last page view: 1657 days, 13 hours, 48 minutes and 28 seconds ago. |
My dad has issues. Many many issues. I was talking to hima bout some of them and I came upon some unsettling and inspirational things Love is when 2 people connect on so basic a level that when one dies, the other does too. My dad stated and I quote "If your mom died, I'd leave the state and go home (alaska) and hibernate." I replied "See, That's the differance between us. You're so connected to so many peoole and stress out about all of their problems that bu the end of the day, you have nightmares or worse. I'm such an asshole that if mom, you, or Joe (my friend) died, I'd be sad for awhile and continue on with life. I'm so wrapped up in my own problems that I rarely help others with thiers." I AM an asshole. I don't truly care about to many other things except for myself and, to a MUCH lesser extent, my family and friends. 2 years ago, I would have killed myself if my mom had died. Now, I would be sad for awhile and live my life out. I fear that, in the future, I will be so wrapped up in my own problems that I will never have room to love anyone as fully as my dad loves my mom so I overcompensate with a girl I fancy (which has led to me almost getting arrested a few times and has made for some great stories nonetheless) and I fuck up the relationship beyond repair. I worry about myself yet I don't really care about all of my problems. I could give less than a shit about my weight or my asthma. I eat and go out on bad days because I can. My ego is so overinflated to to childhood acclaims that I feel that I'm better than everyone else. I don't care about religion or the environment or the country. I care about me being comfortable and fuck anyone who tries to impede me (even my own body.) I am a worthless slimeball who should die. I have become who I hate the most and I feel dirty and soiled. I pray that all of you can forgive me for my reprehensible behavior and I beg that you help me become something that resembles normal. I appologize for wasting everyone's time. I need to forward this to the other forums that I frequent. |
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Ryan Klein Registered user Because I said so is why! Last page view: 1657 days, 13 hours, 48 minutes and 28 seconds ago. |
I am not suicidal by the way. Just a trite down in the dumps. I've gotten replies asking that in other forums so I thought I'd clear that up. |
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C Registered user Last page view: 6296 days and 4 minutes ago. |
Hmm, I know what that feels like, right now I'm fine. A lot of my family members died (grandfather, Blackie, Great-grandmother) in 2000-2001 awful years! Nelie was going to move back to OK but since 9/11 she (father worked in WTC) (still alive) had to move to an airforce base in Japan. |
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_Iridia_ Unregistered user |
Yeah... know what you mean, Ryan. I'm pretty antisocial too. The difference is that, though I'm not attached emotionally to anyone (even my parents or the people who call themselves my closest friends)--psychoanalyze THAT!--I'm still quite capable of compassion, sorrow, grief, and all those other negative emotions that come from seeing someone else hurt. Kinda weird, huh? I mean, yeah... if my mom died, I'd probably get over it pretty quick. But chances are, I'd end up providing food and schooling for my two sisters, just because I don't want them out on the streets. And if I found my family members in danger, I'd give my life to save them... which is strange, considering I don't really feel anything for them. Chances are I'd do the same for a stranger. If you REALLY wanna psychoanalyze that, you could say it's because both my stepdads--whom I was stupid enough to love--decided I made a good punching bag, and I'm so sick of loving people and having them betray me that I'm not going to be attached to anyone anymore. Sometimes I see myself in a nice little cabin out in the middle of Alaska, living on moose and rabbits and big fifty-pound sacks of wheat and rice and beans. No people to annoy the heck out of me 24/7, nothing to bother me, and no responsibilities. Then I wake up. Go figure... [Edited 3 times, last edit on 1/11/2003 at 22:48 (GMT -5) by its author] |
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Ryan Klein Registered user Because I said so is why! Last page view: 1657 days, 13 hours, 48 minutes and 28 seconds ago. |
Life sucks. That's why we play games.... to go to a realm that doesn't suck. That's the same reasoning behind suicides too. |
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Archangel. Unregistered user |
I disagree. Life sucks occasionally!! Sometimes it just seems like it sucks all the time... When I think of all the bad things that happen, I'd be ready to jump off a cliff right now! When thinking the good things, I find a way to survive tomorrow. But most of the time I think this world we live in is a shitty place, thus I'm constantly isolating myself to my own world which includes: God, my closest friends, my guitar & piano and philosophical & psychological thoughts. Didn't make any sense did it ? |
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Guinea Registered user tWo-HeAdEd cHaOs WeAsEl Last page view: 6971 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 43 seconds ago. |
Life is boring. That's why we play games (especially ADoM :) ). And the TV movies show so much blood, violence, deaths etc, that we've got used to it. I know a term for it in Polish, it's something related to anaestetics. We just don't care, when the worst disasters happen, we can just shrug arms and say 'So what?'. For example, if it was end of the world, I'd probably go and find a good place to watch (could be a cool view). Many of us would like to have an adventure, like knights in the medieval times, or fantasy heroes. But in real life we don't have any opportunity - just learn, then work, and then die :(. It sucks. If I could choose how to die, I'd rather die doing something heroic (can be stupid and heroic, but definitely I'd like it to be spectacular :) ) than just get killed by a car or sth :P. That of course doesn't mean I want to die - I've just had my 18th birthday and I have some things I'd like to do in my life (to make it less boring maybe). |
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eL (log soon) Unregistered user |
Violence? Blood? What's so horrifiing in it? IT's life, not more... The worst part of television is all pop music, ALMOST all those Hollywood movies (which certainly show everything what was shown before) and those old guys that like to babble about religion and all that stuff. The worst of TV are all "children" of the community, everything i listed above. That's it! |
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Guinea Registered user tWo-HeAdEd cHaOs WeAsEl Last page view: 6971 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 43 seconds ago. |
"Violence? Blood? What's so horrifiing in it? IT's life, not more... " - that's exactly what I mean, you've got used to it. Sad but true :(. |
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Unregistered user |
Well, I see some deep thought in this thread.I can relate to this thing. Being young and all, seeing deep violence(9/11) and things happening I can't control.Already thinking that, anything that happened in my family, I've caused. Hearing them complain that it's always this and that. Maybe too young to think of suicide,nevertheless I do. I imagined it in too many places. Classes,schoolyard,home,friend's house or party. Anywhere that's public. Maybe even renouncing my faith(catholic). It's that, with things I can't control or lose of, I feel alone. Yes, we may be used to blood,violence and gore but it can't beat the REAL life aspect of it. Life does suck but sometimes you can make the best out of the past/present/future situation that could happen.TV bore us,Movies may firghten. These our are only aspects of our lives we don't have the need to deal with. If we are to laze around, our world surely crumble. That's what would happen. That's why our world needs school,workers and others.Without this, we may have been destroyed in the early beginning of the wars we make.We are never alone, no matter how much we want to. We can't live without other people. Without the contact it could mean an end to us as we speak. This is my 2 cents. |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 18 hours, 21 minutes and 5 seconds ago. |
Ryan: Do you really think people commit suicide because life sucks and they are trying to get to a place that doesn't suck? |
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J. Registered user You'll never get rid of me Last page view: 5666 days, 18 hours, 53 minutes and 45 seconds ago. |
Someone might do that but there are a whole lot better reasons to commit suicide. If you're feeling happy, don't worry, it'll go away. Originally posted by noob: "I'm everytime amazed how you people know to exploit every single little bug (or not-bug) for elaborated scumming tatics even if the feature seems completely useless or bad." |
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C Registered user Last page view: 6296 days and 4 minutes ago. |
Man I just had a nervous breakdown 1st this year. Well at least I'm a bit better now. All alone in LG... [Edited 1 time, last edit on 1/18/2003 at 12:37 (GMT -5) by C] |
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Guinea Registered user tWo-HeAdEd cHaOs WeAsEl Last page view: 6971 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 43 seconds ago. |
C - that's nothing special - I've got depression almost all the time. I look around and I decide that everything sucks. The only thing I really enjoy is reading books. |
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J. Registered user You'll never get rid of me Last page view: 5666 days, 18 hours, 53 minutes and 45 seconds ago. |
Don't sweat it, at least my mood changes all the time. Sometimes I'm way too busy and sometimes I feel bad for not figuring out anything useful to do with my life. Sometimes for example now I'm just too tired to think straight. If you're feeling happy, don't worry, it'll go away. Originally posted by noob: "I'm everytime amazed how you people know to exploit every single little bug (or not-bug) for elaborated scumming tatics even if the feature seems completely useless or bad." |
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Unregistered user |
Yeah, yeah but I think I have to quote that kid from the wedding singer execpt 'I'. |
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Iridia Moderator on this forum YASD Last page view: 3758 days, 8 hours, 43 minutes and 35 seconds ago. |
This is half off-topic... but one of the profs at my college just committed suicide. Nobody knows why he did it... they didn't even know he was depressed... he was a really nice guy too. Why didn't he ask for help?... Die Gedanken sind Frei |
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Archangel. Unregistered user |
Maybe he was afraid to talk about personal issues. And I'd define that as lack of trust. That's the problem nowadays. People do not talk personal things and show no feelings. I believe everyone needs someone to talk to. At least I do. That's the way of the world. Showing your feelings, commitment, true friendship and loyalty are not trendy. Every one concentrates on being as cool and trendy as possible. They lose the most important things of life. |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 18 hours, 21 minutes and 5 seconds ago. |
J: What would be a "better" reason for committing suicide? I suppose there is sacrifice (like a secret service person taking a bullet for the president) but I wouldn't call that suicide. |
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J. Registered user You'll never get rid of me Last page view: 5666 days, 18 hours, 53 minutes and 45 seconds ago. |
It's been some time but for example: someone my dad knew(friends friends friends fried or something like that) hang himself in one of his job place's not-so-much-used-everyday-room (not very far from our flat actually) and IIRC had been hanging there for some time before anyone found him. He even had left some notes or such. IIRC think he hadn't very close family or friends or anything and he had only a couple of months to live because of cancer so he might have had pains or somethings and so felt no need to let nature take it's time with him. Then again that might be interpreted as 'wanting to go to a less sucky place' though don't know what he thought of afterlife or anything. And there were kamikaze flyers and there still are all kinds of guerrilla suicide bombers. But I admint that some of them are linked with religions so they might believe that their gods give them palaces and 90 wives for being martyrs or something, so that kind of fits the 'going to a better place'. But, they might not think that life sucks. If you're feeling happy, don't worry, it'll go away. Originally posted by noob: "I'm everytime amazed how you people know to exploit every single little bug (or not-bug) for elaborated scumming tatics even if the feature seems completely useless or bad." [Edited 2 times, last edit on 1/22/2003 at 11:31 (GMT -5) by J.] |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 18 hours, 21 minutes and 5 seconds ago. |
I would place kamikazes and suicide bombers in the 'sacrifice' category -- The goal (Protect the president; sink an enemy cruiser; Kill a bunch of coeds) is not to kill oneself; one's death is a side-effect -- I would not consider that suicide. Painful, terminal illnesses . . . a very good point. I'll have to ponder that. BTW, contrary to popular belief, nothing in the Koran or the Bible talks about 90 wives. I don't know if any suicide bombers are stupid enough to believe in that, but it certainly is not in either religion's teachings. [Edited 1 time, last edit on 1/24/2003 at 10:22 (GMT -5) by Caladriel] |
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Iridia Moderator on this forum YASD Last page view: 3758 days, 8 hours, 43 minutes and 35 seconds ago. |
I agree... In situations like the ones you all mentioned (secret service agent, suicide bomber, etc.) the person has to choose between the lesser of two evils (he dies, or the president dies, for example). If the secret service agent didn't decide to protect the president, he would in effect be murdering the president. It wouldn't be legal murder of course, but you get what I mean... That a person perceives a situation desperate enough to require "suicide" also means that he thinks inaction would produce a result worse than his own death. That sort of conviction, even if it is misguided, is very deadly. You don't want to be anywhere near an enemy with nothing to lose. Die Gedanken sind Frei |
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Guinea Registered user tWo-HeAdEd cHaOs WeAsEl Last page view: 6971 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 43 seconds ago. |
Some Muslim believe that in heaven they'll get some "houris" (I don't know if I'm spelling it correctly) - some young women who... you know what :P. But someone translated the word as "white raisins". It would be quite disappointing. |
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Ryan Klein Registered user Because I said so is why! Last page view: 1657 days, 13 hours, 48 minutes and 28 seconds ago. |
Guess what? I thought I'd bump this up and add some more. I used to have odd feelings about people. I could sense colors around them. When I was 9 or 10, I thought I was a psychic or something. Now I know I'm just wierd. I still see the colors and have diagnosed them too. I can also sense from talking to somebody if they have horrors of the past (mentel/physical/sexual abuse) and I can tell when they are trying like hell to say something important to me (I think I'll chalk that up to a "certain tension") I see colors. I have "feelings" I can sense tension. If I believed in all of this new age bullshit (listen to Art Bell or some of his colleagues,) I could make a fortune. Anybody else had any oddness? |