Ancient Domains Of Mystery, forum overview / General / marriage
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Aristotle Unregistered user |
I started the new thread on the old general 3 before I saw this, if ppl would prefer to read that and then reply here.thanx:) |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
:-D Great minds . . . Incase people are wondering, Aristotle said: Maybe this isn't an earth-shatteringly inventive or interesting new topic, but I saw a tv show on it the other day and I'm curious as to what other people think. Here goes,is marriage at a young age a good idea? Should people wait until they have more life expeience? Do you think that young people should play the field and not settle down too early? Does marriage restrict you too much? Also, is marriage actually necessary in todays society? What does everyone think? |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
I don't have any responses but I do have an additional question. What do people think about arranged marriages? |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
Aristotle: What was the TV show about? |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6364 days, 4 hours and 9 minutes ago. |
Ahh. We need more intellectual topics. *Grin* I cannot decide one way or the other, because human minds will find good and bad in any way society is formed. In other words, I do not have the omniscience needed to decide what "should be," because my mere mortal decisions would have error as much as correctness (I'd guess mostly the former, as would assumedly most people). |
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Aristotle Registered user Last page view: 8295 days, 22 hours, 50 minutes and 44 seconds ago. |
It was a chat show called 'kilroy' Be straight with people. |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
Personally, I am uneasy about marriages between the very young. I think marriages should be based on an unselfish relationship. I believe one should truly value the other person's happiness and needs _at least_ as much as one's own. In my own experience, it is rare that teen-agers (and even early 20-somethings) have enough maturity/knowledge/experience to do so. Too much is unknown; there are too many assumptions and expectations. If nothing else, if they really have true love for each other, then time should not be an issue, and they should be able to wait until they have a better understanding of each other, themselves and other people. |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
Hmmm, if two people are truly ready for marriage, then I don't think it would restrict them too much. I think all that would truly be restricted would be a person's level of physical intimacy with others. If a person wants to fool around, or needs to find him/herself on his/her own, then I wouldn't consider them truly ready for marriage. On an aside, I don't think a people need to play the field in order to learn about or to understand themselves. |
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Aristotle Registered user Last page view: 8295 days, 22 hours, 50 minutes and 44 seconds ago. |
Good points Caladriel. Referring to your earlier question, some psychologists have found greater marital satisfaction amongst arranged marriages, and a lower sepaartion rate. We shouldn't just judge everything by our westerm norms. Personally I wouldn't fancy it though! I suppose marriage greatly depends on the individuals involved, and if they truly love each other nothing would make them part. Love conquers all etc. Additionally, does anyone believe that there is one tue love out there for you, or that you'll meet and love a variety of people before you settle down? Be straight with people. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6364 days, 4 hours and 9 minutes ago. |
Quoting from Psychology Applied to Modern Life by Weiten/Lloyd in the section Romantic Love -> Myths About Love: --Begin quote-- Myth 4: Love can conquer all problems. This myth is the basis for many unsuccessful marriages. Numerous couples, fully aware of problems in their relationship, [...] forge ahead into marriage anyway. Well-intentioned but naive, they say to themselves, "As long as we love each other, we'll be able to work it out." While authentic love certainly helps in tackling marital problems, it is no guarantee of success. In fact, there is some provocative evidence that how much you like your lover may be more important that how much you love your lover. When researchers correlated a host of variables with a meassure of the "successfulness" of romantic relationships, liking for one's partner was more highly correlated (.62) with relationship success than was love (.50) of one's partner (Sternbeck & Grajek, 1984). A small difference such as this in just one study is hardly definitive. However, it raises the possibility that liking may conquer problems more effectively than love. --End quote-- >>Additionally...for you,...<< I think this can lead to expectations and disappointments, as it expects fate to bend toward one's wants. Love is fleeting and rarely permenant according to Weiten/Lloyd. [Edited at 22:15, Monday, June 04, 2001 by Palagran] |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
I assume that the quote referred to being in love with somebody, rather than simply loving them. Otherwise, I think that the statement is hardly surprising. I love several of my friends, but I know we are completely incompatible, romantically. As for being in love . . . Personally, I think people use that term much too loosely. I believe people confuse infatuation, obsession, affection, and even genuine love with being in love romantically. I don't think it is possible to be in love with somebody if you don't also like them. Just my own opinion, though. "Marriage is a fine institution . . . but who wants to live in an institution?" -- Groucho Marx |
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Sengoku Registered user Last page view: 7932 days, 20 hours, 55 minutes and 21 seconds ago. |
Interesting thread, marriage somewhat a difficult thing to judge in my opinion. How you feel about someone can be so strong at the time that you could easily underestimate the chances of anything coming between you. Getting married though at a young age must be great experience - like a daring reckless step into the darkness to freedom and adulthood. Maybe part of the attraction of getting married young is the adventure side of it. Tell me what you think of this |
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Aristotle Registered user Last page view: 8295 days, 22 hours, 50 minutes and 44 seconds ago. |
I'd be inclined to say that it isn't as much of an adventure as it is a long-term commitment to a particular person. I don't think that marriage should be entered into recklessly Sengoku. The actual concept of marrying young is quite subjective as well. For example, my mother was married on her 21st birthday. If i were married at 21, I would clas that as being really young, but in those days it was perfectly normal. I think it depends on the couple involved more than the stage that they are at in life. What does everyone else think? Be straight with people. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6364 days, 4 hours and 9 minutes ago. |
Marriage, being a social engagement, is subject to society's opinions. Everyone has their own thoughts on it, just as various cultures determine how it is done. |
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Lamaros Registered user The sieve Last page view: 7171 days, 13 hours, 35 minutes and 14 seconds ago. |
This is an old topic, but one that interests me. A few observations (and thoughts), make of them what you will. People are marrying later and later these days. More people are divorcing these days. My parents married in their early 20's (my mum was 21) and are still together and have 7 children. They still love each other. I don't know many parents in a similar position to my parents. People used to marry at young ages because they were won't to die before they could have children Ideal childbearing age for a woman is around 20 (I beleive, didn't check to make sure) Older couples might be less in touch with young children Contraception is much more common (I just wanted to see if I could spell contraception) We live in an age where we are surrounded by empty things. We have no touch with the land arround us, no emmotional bonds to our lives and our world. We spend our time searching for something we have lost; sifting uselessly through empty products. One of the few real things left to us is our contact with other people. Perhaps because of this many people are placing more and more pressure on this connection, on their relationships; searching for something romantic and special to escape the drudgery that surrounds them. Perhaps this endless searching, and the attitude that goes with it, forbids the creation of the unions that people so desperatly seek. Perhaps this union is a rare thing that only a few get to share, but we're all greedy enough to think it's avaliable to us all and we ruin the other options in front of our very eyes. Perhaps this paragraph has gone on too long. Everyone sing along now: "What's age got to do with it?" I don't know, really. But I'm thinking, compared to all the other factors... Not much. |
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Lavos Registered user Cardiovascular Endurance Last page view: 7098 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes and 36 seconds ago. |
BTW: sorry im writing this without reading all of these threads, because i dont have time, but here is my opinion about marriage/age. This topic really makes me mad, so sorry for any rude comments. Age has nothing to do with it. Experience does though. So does intellegence. Ive seen people in my own life get married when theyre not ready at all. Theyre young (not that that matters), unemployed, and uninformed. But the real problem here is not the marriage, but the kids. I think compared to most people here im young (cant drink, smoke, get married) and i still would never get married when im unemployed or can barely support myself. But some people still do. Not only that, but they have kids, just about the worst thing that anyone could do before theyre ready. People do it for the experience, not to actually have a family. They think 'oh, it will be wonderful' and then end up completely discarding their own chilrens feelings, and needs, because they arent done being kids. Damn, i g2g but ill finish this later. I know this is kinda weird but ill add to it in a little bit. Im late! (: |
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Lamaros Registered user The sieve Last page view: 7171 days, 13 hours, 35 minutes and 14 seconds ago. |
I don't think being unemployed has anything to do with it, nor do I think simply being poor matters. Some people will always be poor, you're forbidding them the right to get married? They can do whatever thay want, and there's no good reason to stop them. My parents were not rich when they got married, many of my siblings were not planned, but it really doesn't matter one whit. They wanted to get married, they did. It's the people in the marriage that count towards it's sucess, not their material situation. Children are another matter entirely, which it is probably best not to get into because then we'll get into this silly discussion about divorce rates and broken famalies, single parents, gay parents, etc.. all stuff that's most tiresome. I will say one thing though: I think having a child for the experience is -very- wrong (refer to all these hollywood mothers who have one, then find they don't like it, and wish they hadn't) but.. Pray tell, how do you get experienced at being married? |
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Lavos Registered user Cardiovascular Endurance Last page view: 7098 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes and 36 seconds ago. |
When your supporting another person (if thats how your marriage works) and you are not making the amount of money you need to even support yourself it does matter, as much as people try to make it seem as it doesnt. I guess this is kind of discriminating to say, but many people get married to have children, and thats it. And when your young (this is just my opinion) you want to be young and have fun being out at clubs and things like that. Very few people would want to settle down and start a family if they knew what was ahead of them at that young. Money does matter when your supporting someone else, even if you love them, and care about them. That is just my opinion. Ive seen families crushed by things like this, and it has a great effect on kids, i have a friend with quite a story, but thats for another time. Well this is all just my opinion, and if i wasnt so lazy i would write more. (: |
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Lamaros Registered user The sieve Last page view: 7171 days, 13 hours, 35 minutes and 14 seconds ago. |
If the marriage is going to be crushed by something as simple as not having money, it's not a very strong marriage to begin with. You can say a marriage was crushed by someone becoming addicted to gambling and losing all their money, but what's causing the damage is the flaw of the person who becomes addicted and doesn't get help, or the inability of the partner to have the patience to try and work through it and fix things. They money is not to blame. My opinion, anyway. |
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Lavos Registered user Cardiovascular Endurance Last page view: 7098 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes and 36 seconds ago. |
I live in the gambling central f the world, i know what your talking about with gambling problems, trust me. I guess ill leave it short, and to the point. If you cant support yourself, dont have kids. And many marriages arent strong when your young. And thats why you should wait. If your really in love, it ill last until your ready. (: |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
Glad to see we are back down to 20 lines or less. :-) |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4699 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes and 59 seconds ago. |
IMHO, wealth should not be an issue in getting married. In fact, there is even some economic benefits. People can combine their income, resources, living space, etc. Lots of expenses can be halved. Lavos: Do you assume that in a marriage, one person should be supporting the other, financially? Lamaros: I agree with you. If you can't (or can barely) support yourself, I don't think you should start having kids. |
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Lavos Registered user Cardiovascular Endurance Last page view: 7098 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes and 36 seconds ago. |
HEY! i never said you couldnt get married! i just said you shouldnt have kids (which is the reason many people get married) when you can barely support yourself. I believe my quote was, I guess ill leave it short, and to the point. If you cant support yourself, dont have kids. Now how is that saying dont get married? (: |