Ancient Domains Of Mystery, forum overview / General / Trust
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Aristotle Registered user Last page view: 8303 days, 17 hours, 17 minutes and 11 seconds ago. |
Once trust has gone, can it ever be regained? Be straight with people. |
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Aristotle Registered user Last page view: 8303 days, 17 hours, 17 minutes and 11 seconds ago. |
Sorry for the weakness of these topics, they're just stuff I'm interested in at the moment :) Be straight with people. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6371 days, 22 hours, 35 minutes and 27 seconds ago. |
You don't have to apologize. RationalFool tells me, "Never stop thinking." Let me tell you a true story. I used to be harshly cruel to my next-door neighbor's black cat Ookey. I made up a grudge saying he was terrorizing my dog Angus. He would tease him occasionally, but they were, and still are, really good friends. My goal was to hunt Ookey with a BB gun and slingshot/steel balls. It was fun, I suppose. I entertained myself by hunting the cat. Several times I was successful, and managed to connect a hit or two. It got so bad that Ookey would run if I took two steps near him. Over the course of my life, I began learning some things about spirituality. Part of this is to respect all animals. Even Ookey. I stopped hunting him. All I would do was maybe glance at him and smile when I walked by. I even took the extra measure to avoid him so he wouldn't have to run off. This continued for quite a long time -- possibly even a year or so. One night I was outside on my back steps with Angus, petting him and enjoying the night air. Ookey was drinking from Angus's bowl several feet away. I just glanced at him and smiled like always. Eventually he walked right up to me, on my other side, and rubbed up against me like I was his master. I acted in the similar manner, petting him and Angus and sharing purrs and doggie kisses through the night. <:) Animals have the capacity to forgive even that which threatens death. Human interaction is far less drastic; shouldn't it be easily forgivable? Unfortunately this isn't the case. People defend their egos, hide behind their social masks, and develop pointless grudges against others. Ask yourself something. What do you stand to gain by distrusting anyone, as opposed to the alternative? People respect those who trust others, even blindly. It shows respect in itself. If someone wrongs you, it is because s/he made a bad decision and/or has some complicated inner conflict. Nobody ever means to hurt anyone else intentionally; it's all just our way of dealing with ourselves and our problems. Should it hurt others, it's that person's problem, not yours. One of the Agreements I live by is to "Take Nothing Personally." "To err is human. To forgive is divine." --? Of course, not everyone shares my beliefs. Do what works best for you. |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4707 days, 15 hours, 14 minutes and 26 seconds ago. |
Aristotle: Do you mean to ask "_Can_ trust be regained?" or do you mean to ask "_Should_ trust be regiven?" And are you thinking about some or all situations? Personally, I am rather certain that trust can be regained in at least _some_ situations, unless you define trust very narrowly -- A person may remember a transgression, and be less hurt/surprised if it occurs again, but often, I think people will trust again. I also believe that people _should_ forgive, and, with an honest appraisal, determine if sombody can be trusted again. I don't think one should let bitterness blind oneself to how another has grown. |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4707 days, 15 hours, 14 minutes and 26 seconds ago. |
Palagran: Ookey sounds like an _awesome_ cat. IMHO, though, I don't think you should trust somebody else blindly. That doesn't mean I agree with holding grudges. I think you can forgive somebody, while remaining aware of their limitations. You may do more harm than good, if you blindly trust a relapsing heroin addict with $200 for food and clothing, or if you blindly trust that a bulimic is going to the bathroom the relieve their bladder. Also, sadly, I think people do sometimes hurt others on purpose. Yes, there may be underlying reasons, and you might be willing to forgive them because of those reasons, but I wouldn't necessarily trust the person to stop being malicious until those reasons are dealt with. "To err is human; to blame somebody else, even more so." |
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Aristotle Registered user Last page view: 8303 days, 17 hours, 17 minutes and 11 seconds ago. |
Caladriel; I suppose the specific situation for me was when I trusted people and they let me down. I'm still in contact with some of them, but I do not know if I can trust them or not. I do forgive, but I am finding it hard to forget. I suppose a breach of trust will always leave scars on any relationship. Palagran: Your story was really cute:) Be straight with people. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6371 days, 22 hours, 35 minutes and 27 seconds ago. |
Part of absolute trust is leaving everyone to make their own decisions. You can help in any way, and as thoroughly as possible. In the example of the addict and the bulemic, guidance would help more than trust. If you help the "malicious person" deal with his/her interpersonal conflict, then trust can develop between the two in ther process. It isn't often that one aids one's aggresors, though, and many find that perspective unrealistic. |
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 Kyp Durron Registered user Last page view: 8340 days, 18 hours, 2 minutes and 22 seconds ago. |
Nice story Caladriel, I wish some humans could forgive like animals could, maybe one day humans will learn off them :) Kyp Durron |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6371 days, 22 hours, 35 minutes and 27 seconds ago. |
Hey that's my story. :O I understand. :) There are a million things that the animals have to teach us, if people would just listen. Folks are so caught up in the "human's ego" that they are blind to many wise teachings. [Edited at 00:02, Saturday, June 09, 2001 by Palagran] |
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Locke Registered user Treasure hunter Last page view: 7909 days, 4 hours, 18 minutes and 41 seconds ago. |
And the people will be caught up in their "human ego" forever, IMHO. Locke Cole |
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Sengoku Registered user Last page view: 7940 days, 15 hours, 21 minutes and 48 seconds ago. |
I think everyone should have a second chance, everyone make mistakes and everyone needs to learn, nobody's perfect. I think Aristotle that you need to learn to let go of the past and take more risks in the future otherwise you'll never learn for yourself. It sounds to me like you've been burdened by your scarrs for some time, you should think of letting go like Palagran's cat did! |