Ancient Domains Of Mystery, forum overview / General / Lonely
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Stone Giant Registered user the Traveler Last page view: 8092 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds ago. |
My friends are all going to Ancardia next summer holidays together but the one who's organising it says that he only want's the already selected people going and not me. I feel very left out and miserable, I've always wanted to go there, I've even got a pen pal there and learnt the languege too. God damn it, I probably want to go more than them three put together!! What should I do? I feel terrible keeping my feelings bottled up but I feel weak and pityful by telling them about this. I always seem to be in the "No Homers club" situation in life, I have friends but they always seem to have better ones. I feel out of touch with everything and it's making me really depressed. What's life worth living for if you haven't got good friends who will be there for you? I hope someone will give me some words of wisdom, I'm lost without anyone to give me a helping hand. |
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Amanda Sedai Registered user Last page view: 7931 days, 3 hours, 5 minutes and 37 seconds ago. |
Ancardia? Maybe this should be in the roleplaying board? If you want serious advice, though, the best I can say is to hang in there because nothing stays the same forever. If things seem like they can't get any worse, that only means they'll have to eventually get better. I can't give advice on how to find friends, though, in fact that's something I wouldn't mind getting advice on. But if your friends keep excluding you from everything, then forget about them. It's better to not have any friends at all than to have friends who are going to constantly make you feel unwanted. -Amanda Sedai, a save-scumming newbie. (Hey, at least I saved that little girl's dog. Gimme some credit... ;-)) |
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Stone Giant Registered user the Traveler Last page view: 8092 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds ago. |
Wow, fast reply. Thanks Amanda, your advise has been of value to me. I guess being alone is something I'd need to discipline my mind to cope with, I feel weak letting myself feel this way but it's hard when so much time and faith has been put somewhere only to be dropped like a pile of stones. Where it is I wanted to go isn't imortant so I just said Ancardia. |
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Amanda Sedai Registered user Last page view: 7931 days, 3 hours, 5 minutes and 37 seconds ago. |
Yeah, I figured "Ancardia" was just a way of saying "insert random place here" but before I finished reading your post I thought the beginning sounded like an RP story. I don't think you're "dropping it like a pile of stones." I mean, in a way this is sort of a learning experience, right? Now you know how important respect is in friendship, so next time you'll know to avoid devoting a lot of time to people who ignore you. *shrug* Well, I don't know the whole story, I'm just a person on the internet who read your post, but I'm sure you can find something meaningful in this whole situation. I'm still working on this whole "friendship" thing. I've only had one or two close friends my entire life, and I'm starting to get sick of being a "loner." So let me know if you ever learn the secret to making friends. -Amanda Sedai, a save-scumming newbie. (Hey, at least I saved that little girl's dog. Gimme some credit... ;-)) |
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Unregistered user |
I'll tell you one thing, computers have ruined my youth. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6369 days, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 31 seconds ago. |
Tell the leader how you feel. If you are sincere, you have nothing to be ashamed of. |
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Stone Giant Registered user the Traveler Last page view: 8092 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds ago. |
The leader doesn't really take anything in life seriously, I don't think he's capable of taking my type of problem seriouslly. I've kind of dealt with the problem to myself now anyway, I've decided not to lay my feelings to depend on ones persons actions or even the group, I've other friends to experience happiness with and maybe they'd provide me with adventurous oppurtunities. Amanda, it sounds like your a nice person from what I know of you already so my advice to you is take more risks and try make more friends. I have learned something within this situation and that is not to care too much and if you do steer away from the cause and head to a nicer place. So I guess I have found something meaningful within this. With happiness comes pain and with pain comes knowledge with knowledge comes enlightenment with enlightenment comes peace etc. |
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Tha Messiah Registered user Angel of Death Last page view: 7785 days, 5 hours, 45 minutes and 9 seconds ago. |
With happiness comes pain and with pain comes knowledge with knowledge comes enlightenment with enlightenment comes peace etc. Nice words man. Dump those friends.They dont really sound like friends. Rejection though is horrible. eg: me.I've been rejected many times. Reason: I'm a go between.I know everything a geek would know bout computers.But I'm also the best sportsman my school has got.Thismay seem great.But it isnt.Initially the geek's rejected me and said I was one of *those guys*.The *kool* gang said I was to nerdy.So end result no friends. I was lonley for a long time.*Sob* I dont wast to remember those days.Horrible. Well finally it all worked out and I now have lot of friends. So keep your chin up man. Amanda: why no friends?You sound quite friendly. No offence but is that why you frequent these forums so much. Palagran: Youre alive.Whereve you been. THE MESSIAH,I'm here now,Worship me. |
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Amanda Sedai Registered user Last page view: 7931 days, 3 hours, 5 minutes and 37 seconds ago. |
I guess I'm friendly on the internet but in "real life" I'm very introverted. I guess you could say I'm shy but I worry that to other people I come off as rude or indifferent. Plus I don't know anyone with my interests. I basically fit the stereotype of a "nerd", but at the same time I probably seem stupid to other computer people because I'm still learning how everything works. (As of right now I only know one programming languages, and until a couple months ago I didn't even know HTML). It's awkward when I'm trying to talk to someone and either they don't understand a word I'm saying or they go over my head by talking about things I should know about but don't. I'm trying to work on it, though. I'm probably going to get involved with some activities this semester, so hopefully I'll meet people with my interests. (I already know one person from one of my classes last semester who is considering starting a club for role-players.) I'm also considering taking some electives that work with my interests. (I'll probably fill a literature requirement by taking a mythology course). So hopefully I'll end up with a social life some day. Ack, sorry if this all sounds like a rant. Now you understand the warped mind that created that annoying self-pitying troll in the roleplaying forum. ;-) -Amanda Sedai, a save-scumming newbie. (Hey, at least I saved that little girl's dog. Gimme some credit... ;-)) |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6369 days, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 31 seconds ago. |
Stone Giant: You shouldn't repress yourself. If you come across as serious, the leader should pick up on it, no matter his behavior. Maybe he needs to learn that not everything is fun and games. Tha Messiah: Eh? You knew I was gone? :O I recently became Assistant Manager to yet another forum on Delphi, and I've been spending more of my "forum time" there. No offense. ":/ Also, I've put ADOM aside while I wait for the next version. I simply won't play without the new feature concerning stat exploitation. Amanda: Judging from your post, my life is amazingly similar to yours. If I took your name from your post above and stuck my name there minus the part about starting a club, it would be the truth. You and I would get along well, I think. |
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Iridia Moderator on this forum YASD Last page view: 3763 days, 16 hours and 27 minutes ago. |
Amanda--know how you feel. My friends love either romance novels or horror movies, and if I mentioned a troll to them they would probably think "plastic toy with a gem on its belly-button". As a physics major, I guess I qualify as a nerd (and no, "nerd" does not necessarily equal "annoying" or "anti-social"). It's frustrating to be a nerd because there's no one to talk to! Not many people will talk to you about your areas of interest (whether they be RPG's, computer programming, or wormholes) because they simply don't know anything about the topic. So you're constantly walking on eggs to make sure you don't say something that brands you as a weirdo, because, let's face it, "So what do you think is the best way to kill Andor Drakon?" isn't exactly the best conversation starter when meeting someone new. So you try to fit yourself into everybody else's world, talk about what *they* like, all the time wishing you could be yourself without worrying whether or not everybody else thinks you're surrounded by the "unholy aura" of nerd-ism. Annoying, isn't it? I've yet to figure out a solution. Die Gedanken sind Frei |
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Stone Giant Registered user the Traveler Last page view: 8092 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds ago. |
I'm always try looking into things too much and I never understand why my friends leap to different conversations so fast. It's like one moment I'm talking about a theory of something and suddenly they just start up a new conversation about what's on telivision on that night. I know exactly what you mean by living in other poeple's worlds, I know pretty much how to have a long conversation with my friends now but it will bore the hell out of me. Sometimes I think my way of thinking is just alian to everyone. |
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HicPotboy Registered user Web-dude Last page view: 7319 days, 5 hours, 53 minutes and 4 seconds ago. |
Amanda - yeah, I'm like that, too. When I'm online, what I look like doesn't matter (and let me tell you, I'm not exactly good looking). What does matter is my personality. Most people respect that, but where I am, I do have a life, but some of the people that I want to respect me, don't, because they don't take the time to actually know me. I took these high-intensity university courses in high school, and most of the people in the course didn't like me. I asked one of them why, and he told me I came across as a lamer. I've been trying to change, and thankfully, my best friends never looked at me like that; they respected (and still do respect) what and who I am, and they don't much care what I look like (besides the requisite features required for recognition ;). Those are true friends, and when I think about it, I think, "What did I do to deserve friends like that?" I mean, I have my share of ups and downs, and even when I snap at them, (which isn't often) they know it's not really me, and let it pass. Once I stayed up for 24 hours and more, webmastering a 24 ping-pong marathon between two teachers. I got up at 7 a.m. on Day 1, and went to bed around 4:30 p.m. on Day 2. Some teachers wouldn't even excuse me from class, so I had to go to class yet, too. On the 2nd day, in English, one of my friends bought me a bag of chips because I looked like crap (think me, plus bloodshot eyes, and a seriously derailed thinking process). My english teacher is a great guy; this was the last day before the Christams break, and he had a lot of peanuts for us to eat. After eating a few of the chips, I got a brainflash, I shelled a lot of peanuts, put them into my bag of chips, held the top closed, and pounded the whole mess into crumbs. (like I said; seriously derailed thinking process) It tasted pretty good, too. But like I said, my friends knew I wasn't right in the head, so they let it pass. Wow, that must be boring to all of you. I didn't mean to rant and rave, just point out who true friends are; I think I've been blessed with alot of them. I hope I'm not the only one. --- Hicpotboy ------ Hicpotboy --------- Less twitch, more mental itch - saying by me. |
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Tha Messiah Registered user Angel of Death Last page view: 7785 days, 5 hours, 45 minutes and 9 seconds ago. |
Stone giant: Your way of thinking aint alien man. That thought has crossed my mind too. I guess I can say that everyone on this thread shares that view.Were just diffrent.BTW thats a good thing.Who wants to be a stereotype anyways.No one realises that. Palagran: Yeah of course I noticed.All the forum regulars were missing for quite some time. Stas has just returned.Havent seen Caladriel,Sengoku,Tekki,mike2,Locke an the rest in a long time.So I did notice. THE MESSIAH,I'm here now,Worship me. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6369 days, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 31 seconds ago. |
Stone Giant: >>It's like one moment I'm talking about a theory of something and suddenly they just start up a new conversation about what's on telivision on that night.<< Ahh! This happens to me too! When this happens, I wonder if those people feel the least bit stupid at all. I certainly think of them that way. Tha Messiah: Thanks for the attention. ^_^ David J. Lieberman's "Six-Star Test to See if Someone Is a True Friend" is an interesting tool. This is from his book Get Anyone To Do Anything, which I highly recommend. Paraphrasing, the stars are: Interest -- How interested the person is in your life. When you talk about something important in your life, see if s/he follows up on it. Loyalty -- Get a friend to tell you a secret, and permission to tell someone else the secret. See if it gets back to him or her. :) Pride -- See if the person is proud of your success, not just consoling of hard times or jealous. Honesty -- The person should tell you things that will benefit you, even at the cost of making you angry or upset. Respect -- Hint at something profound in your life, and say you don't want to talk about it right now. S/he should not say anything else about it. If s/he absolutely must know, s/he is only interested in gossip, not you. Sacrifice -- See if s/he is willing to give up something to make you happy. See if s/he is willing to compromise. He goes on to say that if someone passes four or more of these tests, "you've probably got a good friend whom you can count on." If s/he scores three or less, you might want to review your friendship. Great stuff! If I'm violating copyright by doing this, by all means, deleted it. Note that I gave a source and recommendation, though. |
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Iridia Moderator on this forum YASD Last page view: 3763 days, 16 hours and 27 minutes ago. |
hmh, if somebody methodically tested *me* like that, it would be pretty annoying :-) Seriously, I agree. That's pretty much what a friend is. I I'd like to add another "star"--common interests. If you have no common ground, it's hard to spend time together no matter how loyal, etc., your friend is, simply because if one of you is having fun, the other probably won't be. Die Gedanken sind Frei |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6369 days, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 31 seconds ago. |
About your star, if your differences are that different, you wouldn't need to take the test to begin with. He bases this test on tested psychological principles, though I have no idea how. |
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Iridia Moderator on this forum YASD Last page view: 3763 days, 16 hours and 27 minutes ago. |
hmm, you're right; you probably wouldn't be friends in the first place. Die Gedanken sind Frei |
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Brotherforest Registered user Saviour of Trees Last page view: 8134 days, 14 hours, 39 minutes and 40 seconds ago. |
Whoa...I thought about my friends in the Davidian manner, and it seems I really don't have any. OR I accept people just like they are, disregarding the fact that they might gossip, or won't sacrifice themselves for me, or telling white lies to keep me from upsetting myself etc. Those little edges make more interesting people, and keep the grayness away. Halaa puuta |
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Stone Giant Registered user the Traveler Last page view: 8092 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds ago. |
Interesting thoughts. I seem to simply find people my friends which are willing to accept me for who I am. Respect is important, when first talking to people I will act not myself and tend to agree with pretty much everything they say, but as I learn that they respect me for who I am I start to open up and sometimes disagree with them more, strange process really. Honesty and loyalty is a very important asset to me too, I tend to have a high disrespect people who lie to me no matter what the reason. It makes me unable to trust who they really are and creates a lot of distance between me and them. Pride, interests and sacrifice are all to me secondry prioties that makes a good friend an even closer one but however they are not essential. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6369 days, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 31 seconds ago. |
Lieberman says this test is for finding true friends, not plain ones. By what I've heard, true friends are very rare. I remember this quote. Dunno who said it; I think it's anonymous. "A friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move a body." [Edited 2 times, last edit on 1/16/2002 at 22:10 (GMT -5) by Palagran] |
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The Mishka Unregistered user |
Yes, true friends are rare. Luckily i have found one, it took a very long time. We don't lie to each other, not even white lies. It is hard for me too find friends, because I'm always myself and i don't pretend to be anything else. i used to do that, so people would like me, but not anymore. I am an embarrasing personality, according to my boyfriend, so usually i just try to shut up when i meet his friends. *sigh* even that i have a true friend, i still would need somebody to talk about stuff i think about, even that she listens to me, she being honest says that she hardly ever undertstands or is even slightly interested in what i have to say. But what the hell i should be happy that i even have a friend. I would love to find a soul mate someday. Someone who would think like me and not think me as a weird freak. I feel ashamed to write here because you all know how to write and you write so smartly and deeply that I feel like a troll amond elves or something. I have never leared to express what i think, when i try to speak or write what i think it just seems so shallow. Well, i better stop before i make a complete fool out of myself. [Edited 1 time, last edit on 1/17/2002 at 02:07 (GMT -5) by its autor] |
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Brotherforest Registered user Saviour of Trees Last page view: 8134 days, 14 hours, 39 minutes and 40 seconds ago. |
Well stoney, that's a good thing if you disrespect the people who lie to you, they shouln't. <in this part should have been an insight of how lies make things go wrong, don't know how to put it in english> Anyway, usually (in my case) I can tell if a person is lying, and I don't start asking him/her why they did it, the truth will come out sooner or later, and then I can make my mind how should I react. Respect is truly one of the things that is the friendships founding stones, and if questioned can really fast end even longtime friendships. I'm not talking(writing) about difference of opinions, or the quarrel that might come from them, but morely about disregarding others's right to be. I once cut all my ties to a friend, who really thought he is the righteous ruler of all mankind(don't mess with drugs), we tried to talk to him when we saw him changing, but it wouldn't help. When he had suffered from his egomania enough, he had no friends left, and of course felt quite miserable. After months I saw him, and he asked what was the matter...no one doesn't like me anymore. I truthfully told him why things were what they were, and he started to cry and told me how sorry he was, he had flipped from all the shit he had been doing. Well it has been many years from that incident, and I'm happy to say that we have been friends since he realized his own behaviour. That really didn't have anything to do with your problem stoney, but that is a true story from friendship. Halaa puuta [Edited 1 time, last edit on 1/17/2002 at 02:16 (GMT -5) by Brotherforest] |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6369 days, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 31 seconds ago. |
The Mishka: I understand what you mean about not being able to express yourself. I know someone who would be probably be a best friend of mine, but he has such a hard time expressing himself that he hardly ever writes me anymore. I have the same problem around people. You might want to try some self affirmation exercises. Look into some confidence therapy courses. There are several good books on coping with shyness. The best ones are the ones written by PhD's. I think the problem has something to do with emotion. Some people raised to conceal their emotions; they learn that expressing themselves is bad. Un-learning this behavior certainly is not easy. Say what you think and what you feel, but never say anything purely out of emotion. That's what I do. Bad things happen when you abandon logic. :) |
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Stone Giant Registered user the Traveler Last page view: 8092 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds ago. |
That's a touching tale Brotherforest, it really does prove that people can realise the error of their ways. Sounds like your friend is lucky to have someone like you who will give him a second chance. Miska, I can relate to what you say a lot. I've found it really hard to develop my skill of empathy, and it's always hard to know what to say, when to say it and how to express yourself in the most understanable way. What makes it even more difficult is that there is no set way to talk to people, everyones so different! Palagran, please tell me more about them books by PhD, that's the type of knowledge I could with. |
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Palagran Registered user Furry Hybrid Last page view: 6369 days, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 31 seconds ago. |
Stone Giant: Actually, I didn't have any specific in mind at the time. I know there are PhD's who write on their specialties, and shyness is a large topic to cover, so I deduced that there are good books by PhD's on the topic. I did a simple search at amazon.com that yielded several. One, Painfully Shy: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim Your Life, is written by several PhD's. It also got good ratings at amazon.com. The site also has 38 sample pages to read. Take a look. If you want an online support group, I'd bet there's more than one at Delphi. Chatting with like-minded people can be a big help. They'd know the good books to read, too. I can scan for a forum, if you like. |
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Stone Giant Registered user the Traveler Last page view: 8092 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds ago. |
I wouldn't say I was painfully shy but it will help me improve, thanks Palagran I'll take a look. |
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Duke Ravage Registered user Gravebane Zombie Last page view: 5670 days, 19 hours, 46 minutes and 44 seconds ago. |
i just read through this whole thread... several parts of it sounded a lot like me. over the course of my 16 years of life, i've not had many friends... but most of the friends i've had i could probably call true friends. one of them i've known since i was about 6 mnths old, me and her are so close she might as well be my sister. 2 other friends of mine i met probably 12 years ago, and my other close friend i met in kindigarten. i try to be honest with all of them as much as i can. i don't know how honest they are with me though... i like to think they're all honest. my problem has been in makeing new friends. i haven't really made a new real friend since 2nd grade. there've been several ppl that i've met and maybe could call a friend, but i don't know. i don't go out and look for friends. i go from class to class with little or no detours; i have nowhere to go really. i'm too "loserish" i geuss you could call it to really fit in with the "cool" groups (most of the time i don't want to hang out with them anyways), and the other end of the spectrum i'd rather leave where they are. one of my worst problems has always been talking with girls close to my age. at least face-to-face. over the 'net, i can talk to girls (even ones i know) with ease, but get me in the same room as one, and most of what i say will be a reply ("Yea, I know.." "Really?" "That's cool." "I heard. How'd it go?" etc...). this tends to lead to dead ends real fast (and is probably why i can only call one girl really a friend, that being my unsister). i know that if i really tried, i could probably fit in close to anywhere, but i don't really try very hard to fit into anything except my own little clique of 3 ppl... ivan.sourceforge.net |
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Iridia Moderator on this forum YASD Last page view: 3763 days, 16 hours and 27 minutes ago. |
Hmph. Forget the cool people, Duke. They usually end up being McDonald's managers for the rest of their lives 'cause they were too stupid to think about anything but being cool. Having a few good friends is way, way better than having too many, none of whom you can trust. And it means they're people who you can be yourself around, not having to pass yourself off as someone whom the "in group" might like. That's a huge plus, because your close friends are the ones who will encourage you, help you realize your dreams... Okay, end of motivational speech... :) Hang in there. Die Gedanken sind Frei |
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Guinea Registered user tWo-HeAdEd cHaOs WeAsEl Last page view: 6977 days, 1 hour, 21 minutes and 8 seconds ago. |
Duke I guess you are a bit afraid of girls. Don't say "No I'm not" because I know you are. I'm 17 and I have the same problem ;) I won't tell you how to overcome this cause I don't know how myself. |
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