Ancient Domains Of Mystery, forum overview / General / Bad Jokes
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*Chaos Muffin* Registered user Chaotic Awesome Last page view: 6335 days, 10 hours, 36 minutes and 51 seconds ago. |
A polar bear walks into a pub, goes up to the bar and says 'Hi, id like a........beer' The barman says 'sure, but whats with the big pause?' and the polar bear raises his hands and says 'I've always had them' *<< Words go here >>* |
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Echo Registered user Last page view: 3788 days, 5 hours, 57 minutes and 12 seconds ago. |
To be honest, I didn't understand, but that may be because of my not-so-great English. :$ |
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Jan Erik Administrator Last page view: 9 days, 4 hours, 13 minutes and 39 seconds ago. |
... Well it was a bad joke alright :P Jan Erik Mydland HoF admin |
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Morio Registered user Holy Champion of ADoM Last page view: 4109 days, 4 hours, 14 minutes and 29 seconds ago. |
/me agrees with previous poster "I don't know what World War 3 will be fought with, but I know World War 4 with be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein |
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tongHoAnh Registered user adoomed Last page view: 6837 days, 20 hours, 43 minutes and 35 seconds ago. |
I didnt understand either. Explain pls My RL dumpyard: http://www.geocities.com/ceruleannebula/index.html |
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Naiyor Registered user Last page view: 2096 days, 1 hour, 31 minutes and 28 seconds ago. |
It is a play on the word Pause. Pause = Paws (the bears big feet) [Edited 1 time, last edit on 11/2/2005 at 12:38 (GMT -5) by Naiyor] |
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Echo Registered user Last page view: 3788 days, 5 hours, 57 minutes and 12 seconds ago. |
It wasn't so bad after all :D |
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*Chaos Muffin* Registered user Chaotic Awesome Last page view: 6335 days, 10 hours, 36 minutes and 51 seconds ago. |
Yep, pause and paws, i saw on a movie and it sucked so much that it became my favorite party joke Whats Big, Red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater ;p *<< Words go here >>* [Edited 1 time, last edit on 11/2/2005 at 23:00 (GMT -5) by *Chaos Muffin*] |
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Blacklion Registered user Jellies... BAH! Last page view: 5216 days, 12 hours, 34 minutes and 35 seconds ago. |
What's a fly without wings called? A walk... |
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Nchurmdaz Registered user Goblin flash mobber Last page view: 6198 days, 20 hours, 36 minutes and 18 seconds ago. |
What's giant, 'R'ed, and eats metallic stuff at enormous speed? Heh. Giant 'R'ust monster Ubi patria ibi bene! |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4908 days, 20 minutes and 9 seconds ago. |
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. "I'm sorry," says the bartender. "We don't serve strings here." Dejected, the string goes around the corner and rolls on the ground. It is soon all tangled up ,with little threads hanging off it. The string walks back into the bar and orders a drink. "Aren't you that string I just kicked out of here?" asks the bartender. "No," replies the string. "I'm a frayed knot." A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. "We don't serve your kind here," says the bartender. "Aw, come on," says the mushroom. "I'm a fungi." A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink. "I, sorry," says the bartender. "We don't serve food, here." A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Why the long face?" asks the bartender. A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a drink . . . and a mop. Three men walk into a bar. You'd think the third man would have ducked. |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4908 days, 20 minutes and 9 seconds ago. |
Heh, I just stumbled onto this link. It is an old one, but it's also, quite possibly, the best Blonde Joke ever created. [Edited 1 time, last edit on 3/1/2006 at 14:21 (GMT -5) by Caladriel] |
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Morio Registered user Holy Champion of ADoM Last page view: 4109 days, 4 hours, 14 minutes and 29 seconds ago. |
Nice :D Spoiler
I figured it out by the 2nd or 3rd, but decided to see how far it goes anyway :D "I don't know what World War 3 will be fought with, but I know World War 4 with be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein |
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Sargoth Registered user Bard Last page view: 5166 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes and 39 seconds ago. |
HAR! Good one! http://tankefel.blogspot.com/ So far you have only killed one wild cat. |
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Some guy Registered user I'm baaaack. Last page view: 5814 days, 4 hours, 30 minutes and 16 seconds ago. |
Spoiler
It took me three or four links to figure it out... it's a good one though. And definitely took some organization. The following is a real Adom message: The homunculus hits you. You suddenly fall asleep! Do you want to continue to read the spellbook of Calm Monster? [y/N] |
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Thoth Registered user The Scribe Last page view: 6403 days, 23 hours, 54 minutes and 38 seconds ago. |
A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the desk of miss Black. He tells her he wants a loan, and she asks for collateral. He says "I have this:" and sets this thing on her desk. She asks "what is that?" and he says "you tell me!". "Well", miss Black says, "I am really unsure what that is... we should talk to the bank manager about it". So she calls the manager, and escorts the frog to his office. They enter the office and the frog places the thing on the manager's desk. Miss Black says "Sir, this frog wants a loan, but I don't know what this thing is he has for collateral." The bank manager looks at her and says "it's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!" :DDDDDD Oh so bad... --<>||<>-- [Edited 1 time, last edit on 8/28/2006 at 01:45 (GMT -5) by Thoth] |
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PeanutGod Registered user Lord of Misery Last page view: 5263 days, 2 hours, 42 minutes and 8 seconds ago. |
The version I know of that joke is: A frog hops into a bank and approaches desk. Patti Whack asks him who he is, and he replies with 'I'm Kermit Jagger'. When she asks him what she wants, he asks for a loan, and she asks him if he has any collateral. He nods, and pulls out a small pink elephant, which he puts on the desk. Patti Whack looks a bit confused, and so goes to the manager, and says. 'Excuse me sir, but I've got a frog outside called Kermit Jagger, who wants a loan. Thing is, he only has this small pink elephant as collateral' The manager looks at the elephant and then says. "It's a knick-knack Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone' Ladies and Gentleman, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice. |
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PeanutGod Registered user Lord of Misery Last page view: 5263 days, 2 hours, 42 minutes and 8 seconds ago. |
And another classic. Two birds are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says: 'Do you smell fish?' Ladies and Gentleman, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice. |
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Darren Grey Registered user Last page view: 4450 days, 5 hours, 58 minutes and 29 seconds ago. |
There are two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, "So how do you drive this thing?" Waldenbrook, the dwarven shopkeeper, mumbles: "I'd offer 9 gold pieces for yer dwarven child corpse." |
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*Chaos Muffin* Registered user Chaotic Awesome Last page view: 6335 days, 10 hours, 36 minutes and 51 seconds ago. |
Theres this boy who lives on a farm with his grandmama, hes 10 years old and has lived there since his parents died, the only legacy he has is his parents horses, Razzel and Dazzel. Now Razzel and Dazzel are always racing around the paddocks, and the race goes RazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzel all the way round the paddock untill Razzel wins, just by a nose. The boy hears about a county fair that has a horse race and asks his nana if razzel and dazzel can race, because theyre quite fast and the prize money is $50, and they need the money, his nana says 'I dunno, you know i feel about gambling, but $50 will get the fence fixed so i guess its ok' So the boy takes Razzel and Dazzel down to the local county fair and all the horses get lined up, the starter gun fires and all the horses except Razzel and dazzel burst out running, Razzel looks at Dazzel, Dazzel looks at Razzel and Razzel says 'lets race' and they burst down the field and its RazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzel all they way down the field overtaking all the other horses and its RazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzel and Razzel wins it, just by a nose. So they boy takes Razzel and Dazzel home and gives his nana the prize money, which she spends fixing the fence. Another month passes while Razzel and Dazzel race around the paddock and the boy heres about the Country Fair, with all the countys competeing and the prize money is $500! so he goes up to his nana again and says 'nana, theres a country fair that Razzel and Dazzel can win, and the prize money is $500!' and his nana says, 'i dunno, you know how i feel about gambling, but i guess with $500 we could get a push button toilet instead of a long drop, so i guess you can go' So the boy takes Razzel and Dazzel out to the Country Fair and lines them up with all the other horses, the starter gun fires and all the other horses bolt down the raceway, and razzel looks ant dazzel and dazzel looks at razzel and Razzel says 'lets race', and they take off, its RazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzel all the way down the field overtaking all the other horses, and in the final dash its RazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzel untill Razzel wins it, just by a nose. The boy takes razzel and dazzel home with the prize money, and gives it to his nana, who promptly installs a new push button toilet, razzel and dazzel go back to the paddock and begin racing each other again. two months pass by untill the boy hears about the Melbourne Derby, the horse race to end all horse races, with a prize of one million dollars!. He goes to talk to his nana and he says 'nana, the melbourne derby is coming up and the prize is a Million Dollars!, razzel and dazzel could win this and we'd be able to fix up the farm real good' and his nana says, 'i dunno, you know how i feel about gambling, but having the farm running well would be what your parents would of wanted so i guess you can go' So the boy takes razzel and dazzel across the country to the Melbourne Derby, and lines them up next to the other horses, the starter pistol sounds and all the other horses are out like a flash, bolting down the green, and razzel lokks at dazzel and dazzel looks at razzel, and razzel says, 'lets race' and they run out like a bolt of lightning and its RazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzel all the way down the field, blasting past the other horses and its RazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzelRazzelDazzel all the way down the final 100 meters untill Razzel wins it, just by a nose. The boy collects his check for a million dollars and take razzel and dazzel home, and puts them back in the paddock, and he and his Nana use the prize money to set up the farm with every type of handy electronic automatic super intelligent farm equipment, and razzel and dazzel get their own paddock, and they dont need to race any more, so one day theyre standing around in their paddock when a farm dog comes up to them and asks 'Razzel, Dazzel, i notice that whenever you two race, Razzel always wins, just by a nose - why is that?' and Razzel looks at Dazzel and Dazzel looks at Rzzel and Razzel says 'Lokk at that! its a talking dog!!!!' *<< Words go here >>* |
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ej Unregistered user |
Dude I just read that whole story for nothing. |
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 Kirbot Registered user BattleHax0r of Devastation Last page view: 6095 days, 14 hours, 10 minutes and 28 seconds ago. |
Chaos Muffin, I think that's less along the lines of "mild amusement" and more along the lines of "mild cruelty." Molach: "I like to have 200+ hp and over 5 good healin potions when I do [the fire] temple. AND some way of killing the Wyrm" Morio: "Some way of killing the worm is recommended, yes :D" |
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*Chaos Muffin* Registered user Chaotic Awesome Last page view: 6335 days, 10 hours, 36 minutes and 51 seconds ago. |
I know another one about pink-and-purple-polka-dotted-ping-pong-balls, but thats even worse than Razzel and Dazzel :P Razzel and Dazzel is a good joke to tell to drunk people *<< Words go here >>* |
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Silfir Registered user Writer of Overly Long Guides Last page view: 4279 days, 6 hours, 40 minutes and 39 seconds ago. |
"Waiter, call me a taxi!" "Right, sir. You are a taxi." The first english joke I've ever known. Very stupid. You drop the golden ball. You kick the golden ball. It slides to the west. Suddenly Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, appears! "That's not how you play Quidditch! are you even listening?" Which direction? (123456789) 4 Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is hit by a bolt of acid! Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is annihilated. You hear the ecstatic cries of a large crowd! [Edited 1 time, last edit on 8/30/2006 at 21:18 (GMT -5) by Silfir] |
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Chaos of Muffin Unregistered user |
'waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?' 'looks like backstroke sir' |
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Nchurmdaz Registered user Goblin flash mobber Last page view: 6198 days, 20 hours, 36 minutes and 18 seconds ago. |
- Name? - Abu Dalah Sarafi. - Sex? - Four times a week. - No, no, no... male or female? - Male, female... sometimes camel... Ubi patria ibi bene! |
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Molach Registered user Lord of DurisMud Last page view: 5352 days, 11 hours, 52 minutes and 52 seconds ago. |
Whats the difference between a seamstress and an opera singer? Well, the seamstress tucks up the frills..... |
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Caladriel Registered user ReGiStErEd UsEr Last page view: 4908 days, 20 minutes and 9 seconds ago. |
What is the difference between a blind archer and a constipated owl? Spoiler Well, a blind archer shoots and shoots, but never hits while the constipated owl . . . [Edited 1 time, last edit on 9/13/2006 at 15:49 (GMT -5) by Caladriel] |
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Lost_one Registered user unregistered user Last page view: 6132 days, 6 hours, 2 minutes and 9 seconds ago. |
what's long, hard, and full of sea men? --a submarine! How do you catch a polar bear on a glacier? --put a pea next to a large hole. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole! meh, those are more funny verbaly said. (chaos muffin....its you're, not your...fix your sig!) "I have opinions -STRONG opinions- that sometimes, I don't agree with" ---Prez. George W. Bush |
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*Chaos Muffin* Registered user Chaotic Awesome Last page view: 6335 days, 10 hours, 36 minutes and 51 seconds ago. |
Cheers Lost_One, My sig is now completely and grammatically correct :P *<< Words go here >>* |
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