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Ancient Domains Of Mystery, forum overview / Spoilers / Bad poetry

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gut
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Painted this one too.


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3855 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 15:34 (GMT -5)

Contribute bad poetry please : )


What do I say of a gray elven wizard?
He can run through the game as fast as a lizard,
if the ACW doesn't cook his gizzard.
Not healthy or wealthy but exceedingly wise,
occasionally wins in the blink of your eyes,
but most of the time they just die like flies.
Incredibly powerful by the end of the road,
it's like playing ADOM in easy mode.

Whatever you hear about druids are LIES!
They really are quite powerful guys.
Dogs don't bite them and no bee ever stings,
they are in harmony with all the natural things.
They can survive when no other can
like an uber vegetarian.
They seldom tend toward chaos or law
preferring to punch them both in the jaw.

Trolls are strong and tough a-plenty,
but they seldom get to exp. level 20.
Learning is tough for a troll you see,
they all have an IQ of 50, like me.
Level 45 is too far away to pretend,
that trolls have a chance at an ultra end.
Saying 'no chance' is a bit too much drama,
you just need to be as persistant as Soirana.
Put me in the 'fool filter', where I belong!
DeSt
Registered user

Last page view:

4573 days, 7 hours, 49 minutes and 54 seconds ago.
Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 15:38 (GMT -5)

Make me unsee it...
vogonpoet
Registered user

Last page view:

3914 days, 22 hours, 54 minutes and 9 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 04:07 (GMT -5)

Ha ha, what haz been seen, can not be unseen
*insert stupid lolcat pic here*

Darknight circle fight,
Dragon's breath corrupt my soul.
One more death beckons.
Darren Grey
Registered user

Last page view:

3197 days, 15 hours, 23 minutes and 25 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 04:48 (GMT -5)

How very cultured :P
Waldenbrook, the dwarven shopkeeper, mumbles: "I'd offer 9 gold pieces for yer dwarven child corpse."
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Tianjin
Registered user
for monsters - Death incarnate


Last page view:

4558 days, 25 minutes and 3 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 06:32 (GMT -5)

Troll poetry -

Axe in head,
problem dead.

Good poetry is real flexible - dat's how you can tell it good poetry. 'Cause

Sword in head,
problem dead.

works real good too.

Bow in head,
problem dead.

not work, so bow is useless. Dat's why I not use bow.
Try the TiLiCat! It's experience!

Tiger, stuffed with deboned Lion, stuffed with deboned Wildcat, and slow roasted with a mix of herbs. (served raw for Trolls)
Molach
Registered user
Lord of DurisMud


Last page view:

4099 days, 21 hours, 17 minutes and 48 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 09:37 (GMT -5)

That last one goes
Bow on head,
arrow dead.


An ode to useless wilderness skills:

Soundless striding
Roving Ranger
All Foes fear
the heartless hunter

Warlocks wither
but mighty minions
know wars are won
in demon dungeons!

Darren Grey
Registered user

Last page view:

3197 days, 15 hours, 23 minutes and 25 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 10:36 (GMT -5)

Now, this is a story all about how,
My life got corrupted, turned upside-down,
And I'd like to take a minute,
Just sit right there,
I'll tell you how I became the hero of a chain called Drakalor.

In west Terinyo I was born and raised,
On the farmland is where I spent most of my days,
Tillin' and toilin', workin' real hard,
Carting the hay on over to the yard,
When a couple of raiders who were out for a kill
Started makin' trouble on my grazin' hill
I scythed their heads off and the sherrif was impressed,
He said "Now find that goon Kranach and slaughter the rest."

So I caught them in the forest and made them yield,
Taught them a lesson for messin' with my tater fields,
Brought the head over to Munxip who hung it on his shop
As a warnin' to the bandits that this ain't no place to stop.

Now I'm in a dungeon full of monsters and foes,
Missing my old life of rakes and hoes,
Dodgin' arrows and traps and dragon breath,
Next demon that comes might just be my death...

I'm no good with armour and crappy with swords,
When it comes to magic I just don't know the words,
Yeah, being a farmer just ain't so cool,
Should've studied harder when I went to school :(
Waldenbrook, the dwarven shopkeeper, mumbles: "I'd offer 9 gold pieces for yer dwarven child corpse."
vogonpoet
Registered user

Last page view:

3914 days, 22 hours, 54 minutes and 9 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 10:46 (GMT -5)

*golf clap*

That was pure nerdy win Darren. I lol'd.



[Edited 1 time, last edit on 11/20/2008 at 10:46 (GMT -5) by vogonpoet]
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gut
Registered user
Painted this one too.


Last page view:

3855 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 10:47 (GMT -5)

Excellent!
C'mon, everybody do some : )
Put me in the 'fool filter', where I belong!
Sulangatori
Registered user
Tourist


Last page view:

399 days, 20 hours, 48 minutes and 13 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 13:39 (GMT -5)

Could post my song about a Drakeling's experiences in the Chain, but I'm afraid that's not bad poetry-

...


That's excellent poetry!
Silfir
Registered user
Writer of Overly Long Guides


Last page view:

3026 days, 16 hours, 5 minutes and 35 seconds ago.
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 15:44 (GMT -5)

I think Darren's poetry sounds even more awesome (or lame, depending on your mileage) if you sing it to the tune of a certain American sitcom...
You drop the golden ball.
You kick the golden ball. It slides to the west.
Suddenly Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, appears! "That's not how you play Quidditch! are you even listening?"
Which direction? (123456789) 4
Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is hit by a bolt of acid! Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is annihilated.
You hear the ecstatic cries of a large crowd!
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gut
Registered user
Painted this one too.


Last page view:

3855 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
Posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 at 05:03 (GMT -5)

> but I'm afraid that's not bad poetry-

This is going to be the first thread in history
that doesn't go off topic? : )

If you don't post it... I'll post more of mine.
Put me in the 'fool filter', where I belong!
vogonpoet
Registered user

Last page view:

3914 days, 22 hours, 54 minutes and 9 seconds ago.
Posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 at 05:26 (GMT -5)

Well I am glad you pointed that out Silfir, otherwise I might never have noticed.

*rolls eyes*


Silfir
Registered user
Writer of Overly Long Guides


Last page view:

3026 days, 16 hours, 5 minutes and 35 seconds ago.
Posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 at 08:46 (GMT -5)

Yeah, I know. I'm German, so I have no damned clue what is obvious and what is not.
You drop the golden ball.
You kick the golden ball. It slides to the west.
Suddenly Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, appears! "That's not how you play Quidditch! are you even listening?"
Which direction? (123456789) 4
Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is hit by a bolt of acid! Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is annihilated.
You hear the ecstatic cries of a large crowd!
vogonpoet
Registered user

Last page view:

3914 days, 22 hours, 54 minutes and 9 seconds ago.
Posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 at 08:52 (GMT -5)

Don't worry - you're forgiven. There was no way I could let your post go by without a bit of snark though...

/low hanging fruit
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gut
Registered user
Painted this one too.


Last page view:

3855 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
Posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 at 15:28 (GMT -5)

It also works a little bit with 'The beverly
hillbillies' music, but just a little.

Does that show even run in other countries?
Put me in the 'fool filter', where I belong!
vogonpoet
Registered user

Last page view:

3914 days, 22 hours, 54 minutes and 9 seconds ago.
Posted on Saturday, November 22, 2008 at 09:01 (GMT -5)

The Beverly Hillbillies certainly ran in the UK, not sure about present tense though - not seen it in like, at least a gazillion years.

/why yes, I do look young for my age, thankyou
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gut
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Painted this one too.


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3855 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
Posted on Saturday, November 22, 2008 at 13:33 (GMT -5)

It has been 2 days since anyone else posted any
bad poetry... I WARNED YOU!:

An ode to the metallurgy skill.

How I love thee, let me count the ways,
... Hold on, this may take a few days.
I must confess, I do not know
all the ways this skill doth blow.
What it tells me, I know by sight.
120 stones is an iron ingot, right?
It's maybe the worst skill I've ever tried,
it sold for 1gp in my 'Sell your skills' guide.

It also COULD be that it helps a bit,
when smithing 'til you're drooling spit.
Long ago it was studdied, because all had doubts
but all the students gouged their eyes out.
No one knows, after all these years,
because smithing will always bore you to tears.
Maybe it's great, but nobody cares
smithing would make a dwarven priest swear.

So I search for info that others have found,
maybe the guidebook's data is sound.
Reading the guidebook just left me miffed,
it said metallurgy is... 'essential for weaponsmiths'.
That helped a lot, and was a jolly lark!
(insert annoying [/SARCASM] marks).
Metallurgy is as useful as a monster slug,
in fact, I blame it for the ingot-crash bug.

Now I search for FORBIDDEN information...
I go to the 'improved' guidebook station.
Turning the pages, I'm feeling quite EVIL,
the secrets of metallurgy, I soon will reveal.
I come to the section on skills and I'm sweating,
here I'll find great info, I'm betting.
The code-dived info, I'm discusted with...
'metallurgy is 'essential for weaponsmiths''!

To summarise this mysterious skill,
at best it's simply just overkill.
Even if it means you increase your ore
why in the world would you ever want MORE?!
Digging 10(!) levels of chaos isn't enough?
You're saying you now want MORE of this stuff?!
Digging and smelting and smithing for hours,
in a snoozfest quest for insane DV powers
All of this, just to make the game... well,
as Silfir has said: 'Boring as hell'.

Put me in the 'fool filter', where I belong!


[Edited 1 time, last edit on 7/6/2009 at 05:54 (GMT -5) by gut]
Silfir
Registered user
Writer of Overly Long Guides


Last page view:

3026 days, 16 hours, 5 minutes and 35 seconds ago.
Posted on Saturday, November 22, 2008 at 17:49 (GMT -5)

Go create a thread for "friggin' awesome poetry" right now.

And no, I'm not praising you because I got quoted in the last stanza. Perish the thought...
You drop the golden ball.
You kick the golden ball. It slides to the west.
Suddenly Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, appears! "That's not how you play Quidditch! are you even listening?"
Which direction? (123456789) 4
Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is hit by a bolt of acid! Harry Potter, the apprentice wizard, is annihilated.
You hear the ecstatic cries of a large crowd!
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gut
Registered user
Painted this one too.


Last page view:

3855 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2008 at 05:34 (GMT -5)

You're encouraging this?!

...

You really are a masochist : )
Put me in the 'fool filter', where I belong!
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gut
Registered user
Painted this one too.


Last page view:

3855 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2008 at 09:56 (GMT -5)

Blame Silfir, for why I continue with glee,
I'm not gonna stop 'till Jan Erik bans me!
--------------------------------------------

'Twas the night before darknight and all through the chain
not a monster was resting, not even Lawenilothehl's gang.
The sheriff was hung by the black market to show,
an example of power to the tiny hamlet, Terinyo.
A beggar was pleading and needing to be fed,
so gut shoved his BFF's corpse in his head.
The town's people knew this was quite the norm,
gut was just 'behaving in proper form'.
But far in the distance, a shadow approached,
Of unspeakable evil, riding a corrupted coach.
I put on my boots, and ran a mile for a look,
they were seven leagues, so one minute it took.
In the ground, in the trees, even air was a'hum,
it seemed to portend: 'Someone wicked this way comes'.

Finaly, to my unblinking eyes it appeared,
a purple-glowing chariot a'fire drew near.
I knew who it was, it was written he'd come.
Seems the legends were right... it was Andor Drakon.
His legions tore asunder the land, as they came,
in his CorRuPteD vOIcE he called them by name.
Now, molochs! Now, balors! Now barbarian leaders.
On, grues! On Wyrms! On, dragons and deamons.
"All the villages burn! Every castle wall falls!
Destruction, corruption, and death to them all!"
The same way your items vs a vortex will burn,
and make you wish, you'd never taken your turn,
Upon the castles' ramparts, the servants did fly,
as Drakon had a bloodlusting look in his eyes.

I fled straight to my house, my every potion I used,
I quickly got 'drunken', 'stunned', and 'confused'.
I searched the house, for the heir gift dad left me,
'cause I was charming, nice, and a 'boon to the family'.
With dagger in sleeve, I quickly turned to the door,
which Drakon had blasted straight through to the floor.
His armor showed the signs, of his hardest fought battles,
his countless rivals all slaughtered like cattle.
A chain of human-ear trophies, hung 'round his neck,
like a kobold shaman, decked out in his best.
His eyes - how they scared me! His aura, such fear!
I soiled both sides of my armor, as he neared.
I wouldn't let myself stand there, just waiting to die,
like a gray elven wizard with a toughness of 5.

Secretly, I pulled the dagger from out my sleeve,
his worthless head, I intended to cleave.
I'm a trained assasin, he's soon to discover,
but the result was like mindcrafting vs a chaos brother.
I made an attempt, to lawfully stab him in the back
but he countered with a corrupting/paralyzing attack.
Closing in for the kill, his head turned with a jerk.
He said "NO! It can't be! After all of this work?!"
He didn't move to kill, he stood still, intranced.
Then, I heard a faint noise. A gate in the distance.
As his malevolent energies began to disperse,
to be completely removed from this universe.
He shouted a curse at those, only he knew,
and demanded they answer his last question true.
I demand his name! Who brought my disaster!?
As realization set in, he screamed one final word...


KHELEVASTER!!!!!!!!

Put me in the 'fool filter', where I belong!
Sulangatori
Registered user
Tourist


Last page view:

399 days, 20 hours, 48 minutes and 13 seconds ago.
Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2008 at 10:06 (GMT -5)

Haha, great. "Ancardia Lost"
Darren Grey
Registered user

Last page view:

3197 days, 15 hours, 23 minutes and 25 seconds ago.
Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2008 at 17:04 (GMT -5)

Heh, very nice gut. Would be funny if in the game tha player almost defeated all of ChAoS single-handedly, but failed in the end and Khelly popped in and finished the job, claiming all the glory :)

Well, I'm sure some here must have seen this before, but in a thread about ADOM poetry I can't help but link it again:

http://www.geocities.com/darrenjohngrey/RedRooster.txt
Waldenbrook, the dwarven shopkeeper, mumbles: "I'd offer 9 gold pieces for yer dwarven child corpse."
Spartan Spartacus
Unregistered user
Posted on Monday, April 22, 2013 at 11:17 (GMT -5)

In the gut,he'd grunt
An axe no,a damned sword
The spearhead,or a pole
Stand in the head of both
And bother me no longer

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